DUM & DUMer
My travels in Thailand were good, bad and ugly. I arrived here with 40 friends with a travel/work/live group who had ventured thru Europe, Africa and Asia. I was able to fulfill some lifelong passions here in Thailand, playing with Elephants, visiting Temples and meditating with Monks, but notably Muay Thai Boxing.
March 2019 my group of 40 friends (…family, really) moved on to Kyoto, Japan. But I could not afford to travel on, so I lost them being a part of my life. It was very hard for me but I stayed back in Northern Thailand. As life would have it I also lost my job, I lost my clients and had gone through my savings.
I am a Hollywood guy from Los Angeles and to my saving grace, I heard about huge production company that was making a movie and actually being filmed in Thailand. Through divine intervention I met the very famous director and was introduced to the casting department and I actually got hired for the job. I was booked to be the Stand-In for one of the principle actors. Thank God for being “Tall, Dark and Handsome… & Bald!
Since I am a guest in the country of Thailand, my Immigration lawyer in Chiang Mai made sure that all my entry and exit dates were flawless and my VISA status was perfect. Things were going well… UNTIL the entire cast and crew left the Kingdom of Thailand to go to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam on May 14th, 2019 to film the final scenes of the movie.
After a fantastic week shooting in Ho Chi Minh City on the morning of May 22nd we had a 8:00am pick up from our hotel to the airport for our 11:30am flight. Since it was the day before my birthday I chose to stay in Bangkok and not take the connecting flight to Chiang Mai (in the hopes of seeing some friends in Bangkok and having some fun on my birthday). Hint, Hint, yes my birthday is May 23rd!
After a nice flight into Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi Airport, I said goodbye to my friends who were continuing on and I made it through the super long line at at Passport Control. The officer looked at my passport and then up at me a few times, then back at my passport and then up at me. She left to get her manager, I turned to the Sista behind me and asked her to “Pray for Me.” The manager sternly asked to get out of line and follow him to his office.
At this man’s desk he asked me why I was in Thailand. I said that I am on holiday and really need a vacation. He (and now three of his Agents) were taking photos of my passport and of me. He left and after way too long, came back and said that, “You do not look like a Tourist!” I thought to myself, “Well what hell does a tourist look like? Green skin and green hair? Or Blonde hair and Blue eyes?” But I kept my sarcastic comments to myself. Then he commented that, “You just want to live here in Thailand.”
I kept asking about my checked suitcase and luggage which I was assured, “Was fine.” I was able to get the film’s casting lady on the phone to speak Thai with the main guy because they would not speak to me in English. After several minutes she was not able to resolve the situation. I texted my Immigration Lawyer that I had been using and she replied that she would begin to research protocol and call me back.
From there I was escorted into an elevator, the guy looked at me and swiped his elevator access control card into the indicator and pressed “Level H-13”. I thought, “I must be going to Hell.” When the doors opened he ushered me down a long hallway into a subterranean office with several other Agents.
In this office, I sat next to a “Scared-out-of-his-mind” Frenchman cursing in his native tongue, “Zut Alors!” (Damn them!) I was called up to the desk and asked to “Look Into The Camera.” He exclaimed, “No, not that camera this camera!” Glancing at my passport, he took my photo while singing “Americaaaaa” under his breath.
With my confiscated passport in one hand and a bunch of papers in the other some Huge Agent (who didn’t speak English) motioned for me to walk down a yet another skinnier hallway where I was told to sit.
The sign on the door across from me read , “DETENTION CENTER” .
I thought to myself, are they throwing me in Thai Airport Jail???
My immigration lawyer called me back (….how in the hell do I still have battery power and cell phone reception is above me now) and said that she could not help and it was up the discretion of the Agent on Duty, as to my fate. But she did give me the Vietnam Visa hotline. But it was almost 5:00pm. I hadn’t had any food or water in about 10 hours and I just wanted to sleep.
The lady at the Detention Center informed me that I could either go Home right now to America or stay in the Detention Center (aka Airport jail) for the low, low price of 800 Thai Baht (around $25/night) UNTIL I went back to Los Angeles.
I said, “Go Home to Los Angeles? Now?” Thinking that there is no way I can afford that, plus it was only 3:00am in Kentucky and my Momma would literally have a panic attack if I called her!
Some supervisor called down and I was put on the phone with them. I was advised that I could actually go back where I came from… Ho Chi Minh City and there was a flight at 7:30pm if I wanted it. I sat back down next to the brick-wall-of-shame and called the Vietnam Visa hotline. They were basically closed BUT she said that instead of paying the normal $19 fee with a one-day processing time, she could expedite a rush VISA in 30 minutes if I paid around 5,000,000 Vietnamese Dong. I told her to let me get an airline ticket first and then I’ll call her back.
The Huge Agent escorted me back up to the hustle and bustle of the airport upstairs to the Ticketing counter. And can I just say that I had never been happier to see daylight and other people at an airport before?
The two ladies at the ticketing counter made me pay 4,000 Thai Baht for the 7:30pm flight back to Ho Chi Minh City. I told the ticketing agent that my birthday was about 6 hours away and there was any way that she could seat me near the “pointy” end of the plane I would much appreciate it. She laughed and smiled and in English said, “Okay sir.”
I immediately called the Vietnam Visa Agent, whipped out my debit card and paid them and she told me not to worry about anything.
The Huge Agent finally allowed me to get some food. But with a day like that I wasn’t hungry and just ordered a juice so that I would have some sugar in my system and I wouldn’t pass out.
Then he escorted me to my Gate. As normal, the gate attendant asked for my passport and boarding pass. Wearily, I just looked up at her and shook my head. She didn’t speak English, so I just pointed to the Huge Agent who had both sequestered and seized my passport, airline ticket and boarding pass.
With a smirk, he flashed her my passport, some official deportation papers and motioned that I was good. But was I really “good”?
Side-note: the ENTIRE time he made sure to keep me quarantined away from the general public, like some common criminal.
Around 7:00pm when it was time to board I was escorted on first. And, No…. I wasn’t seated in the First-class “pointy end” of the plane. I had my own sectioned off row… Row 99F (window seat) by the toilets.
When we landed back in Ho Chi Minh City, I had to wait for everybody to disembark and I was greeted by three Vietnamese Airport officials, with probably every Eye-in-the-sky Airport security guard watching me. The stern yet nice-ish lady immediately began drilling me with questions as they fast walked out the terminal.
I apologized and said “Ma’am I am tired and can’t walk that fast”. She began again, “Why they no let you in Thailand? What is your plan now? You go home to America now?” I said, “Ma’am I just want to go to sleep now. I’m tired.” Again she pressed me, “Why they say you no Tourist?”
Tired, hungry, upset, frustrated and sleepy, I didn’t know what else to say. I pointed to my wrist, motioned small circles and softly whispered, “TWB”.
She asked, “What TWB mean??” I exhaled, “Traveling While Black”. Then I asked, “Did you know that in Thai the word for dark or black is Dum? Maybe I’m Dum or just plain Dumb, or just a big Dummy.”
Her tune changed and I could see some compassion overcome her. She nodded and I heard her say, “Ahhhh, Racism.”
When we got to the VISA checkpoint I saw the VISA Agent with my name on it, “BRYAN HOWARD” . It was at this point that I almost fell to my knees in prayer and/or give him a huge hug…. but I kept it together. My main man, Mr. Lam, took care of everything. He got my passport back, spoke with the Airport staff and security to leave me alone (which they did). Lam went to the counter, made sure all my paperwork was correct and then he walked me to Passport control to make sure I could get out of the airport. I threw him a huge cash tip in Vietnamese Dong and bid him farewell.
Back in the city, luckily some of the crew from the film were still in Ho Chi Minh. I texted my friend Tee who told me I could sleep in his room, as it was already 11:00pm. (….and yes, my birthday was in 60 minutes! May 23! So exciting.) Tee said not to worry, he knew I had blown thru a ton of cash and he’d leave a key for me at the front desk. I arrived at his glitzy, majestic and glamorous hotel with my luggage probably looking like a “Dum” mess. The front desk attendant was nice (at first) giving me the room key and asked for my passport to make a copy. Then he clicked his mouse, looked at his screen a few times. He asked if I was a guest of the hotel, I replied, “No, I am staying in my brothers room for the night.” He got the nightshift manager who looked at the screen, and I was told that since I am not a registered guest so I could not stay the night.
I called Tee down to make sense of it. We were both confused. Tee explained that (1) I was a part of the Film crew… that essentially had bought out the entire hotel and (2) that he had paid for the room with his own money and couldn’t understand why I could not stay the night.
The peacemaker that I am, I said that it was okay, and I searched for a room with a comfy bed that was nearby and I found one for a few dollars per night.
After a quiet night in a hostel, I bought an airline ticket to Hanoi because I have friends there and don’t know anybody in Ho Chi Minh City. My first priority was to get to the Thai embassy in Hanoi. When they opened in the morning, I went to the Royal Thai Embassy to inquire about obtaining my Visa. The man on duty named Tu, was nice and apologetic to me. He translated and read the remarks of what the Agent actually wrote on my passport and the reason I was denied. The remarks, in Thai, read that I was “not able to financially support myself”. When in fact I could have shown the Airport staff my American bank account and personal cash that I had on me to prove that I was capable and that what he wrote was preposterous. In my submission paperwork to the Embassy I had to show my airline ticket in and out of Thailand, so I bought an Air Asia flight into Chiang Mai for Saturday June 1st.
One of my friends from the film referred me to his legal team. The lady from the firm was named MJ. I spoke with MJ and she said that she will deal with all the proper authorities, triple check my paperwork and can guarantee me entry into Thailand. She is a godsend and worked hard for me, but I was told that I cannot enter thru Chiang Mai and I was only granted permission to enter thru Bangkok. If you have never been, Bangkok has two main airports Don Mueang and Suvarnabhumi Airports, so to add insult to injury I had to fly back into the country thru the dreaded Suvarnabhumi Airport! (Cue the horror music.)
I tried to transfer my flight from Chiang Mai to Bangkok but was told, “No” and it was, “Non-refundable”. I found a cheap flight for $80 into Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi Airport and MJ said that she will have a contact person to assist upon my arrival.
Upon arrival, the same thing happened to me (but different) when I landed back into Bangkok on June 1st. At Passport control I was pulled aside and escorted to the Interrogation office. I was texting MJ the entire time and blowing up her phone. She told me not to worry as she had already spoken with a “higher-up” and I was assured to get thru. Which was true, after only what felt like a million minutes of harassing questions (actually, less than one hour) the Airport Official stamped my Passport, handed it back to me and I was escorted out.
I ran (well walked super fast) to get my luggage, then down to level B2, hopped on Subway and was able to taste my freedom like Andy Dufresne at the end of Shawshank.
After spending a few nights in Bangkok I bought a flight back to Chiang Mai.
I made it safe and sound….. UNTIL I was at my house… getting out of the “Uber” (they actually call it GRAB in Asia) and my wallet fell out of my pocket!
Now, I have no Driver’s License, lost my Debit Card and the rest of my cash. Such a DUM DUM!
